The Sweet Honey of Belonging

fullsizerender-9A poem By Tadiya Dasi

I’ve been on this road before:

where it’s pitch dark

and the roaring of my monkey mind
scares me half to death;

where I am so

afraid of the bite

of my own

snake of a mind.

It’s been a long way to here,

too many steps of just
putting one foot ahead of another

not knowing where I’m headed.

But I can feel your guiding hand
as I hold the
torch of om ajnana

timirandhasya

jnananjana-salakaya caksur unmilitam

yena tasmai sri-gurave namah

as my light

and traverse
these roads.

I can’t quite believe
the tender hand of faith

leading me up to here;

a place where pavements turn into
pastures

and the night welcomes me
with it’s warm embrace.

I can feel myself
letting go, softening

one tense limb at a time

as I promise to
let your sweet breeze

blow me
where she wills;

my held breath slowly releasing.

It’s going to be
just blowing in the wind

while I’m here
it seems.

Brothers,
you tackle me gently,
trip me up,
wrestle me to the ground

hold me fast to this path
that calls for surrender every step of the way;

and even in my one step forward
two backwards way,

you manage to pull me nearer every time.

You get me totally lost
in

this forest of honey
that drips mercy;

I get my feet
not only wet

but sticky

with the sweet honey
of belonging.

The generosity of your heart
makes mine ache

as I stand here

before you,

and the dear friend of my soul,

all my soul sisters and brothers

knowing only

the feeling

that moved mountains
and got me here.

It’s always a relief,
to know that my feet will

always, somehow

find their way near you.

My heart weaves a string of
thank you‘s
and places it
at your feet

I could bow down
whole day and night

and still could not express

how your love
has done the impossible:

has healed my heart
enough

to give me a taste of this love.

This sweet forest
I enter

feeling
you could turn the roads
under my feet,

these sinking pavements
of sorrow,

into pastures

with one
gentle glance.

Somehow turn all my dead ends into
bridges

until I am
almost someone heading home.

Finally, starting to feel like

I must be homeward bound.

How your ropes still tie me,

but now I am being lassoed into your herd.

These days I cry

not because there is no love
but because there’s so much of it.

How mad have I been,
thinking: I am dying of thirst

while your waterfall pours
and I find myself at your pond
Dauji-Gopala

– pondering –

there
I share my heart

in confidence
with my brothers and sisters

and somehow
it gets better.

Somehow
it keeps getting better

as your friend, my friend

comes
sits beside me

and the stillness speaks in him;
his love for me in

how we don’t need words

as his eyes become pools

reflecting a kindness
I’ve swam towards for years,
lifetimes,

eternity.

In their reflection,
I can feel waves of your love
coming at me.

In this outpouring
the waterfall of love of God
my friend, he jumps right in,
dives deep

while I still
sit on the fence;
watching,

merely dipping my toes.

But his heart becomes an ocean for me
and I feel like I could
very well drown in it.

Every day here
and opportunity
invitation
to take the plunge.

Oh take me
take me

to that ocean
where the shores disappear
before the horizon of Gauda

where drowning
has become it’s own kind of bliss.

And I will try
to catch
every beat of your
beautiful heart

that takes the form of
Dauji and Gopala

and drums
the movement of Mahaprabhu

you can have me
limb by limb

I offer you
both my hands and feet;

while I do not want to give you my mind,
you can have my soul.

Every night
and morning here

I get to catch
a glimpse of your beautiful heart

witness how it makes us all
dance;

jubilant and together
we all gather before

your vision and will

may we take it
(your heart)
to heart

may it take us all the way
to the dancing streets

of sankirtan,

to the courtyards of Srivasa,
right to the tender heart of Vraja.

Under the light of the lamp
of love

your eyes meet mine

and your joy
in welcoming me, us

becomes contagious.

Your big brother love
wrestles my guard down:

you melt me
with your warm welcome.

Oh nourisher, you are indeed

magnanimous
magnificent

the hand of Mahaprabhu
always big and generous

in this place of transformation.

And I have come here to change:

to hold my heart and myself

against the need to change

but also
against your promise

that change is possible.

Brothers,
you sweep me away
to your currents of play
and possibility

In your company,
cowherds

I remember what it means
to be kin
kindred spirits all around
Sadhu sanga, sadhu sanga.

I have so many
brothers and sisters here

this family of Bhaktivedanta
holds me so close;

what a tight embrace I find myself
in.

Brothers and sisters,

you bring me back:

bring me back
my laughter

my joy.

Oh Brothers, so many names you’ve got
manifested here,

and in them you’ve invested
all your power:

Your beauty appearing before me as

Brajasundari
Gaurasundara
Syamasundara

I call these names
and learn what it means to serve,
to belong

oh
Gokulachandra
Saci
Sanatana
Nama-ruci

and I know

your herd, this crew

heralds a great future.

In your company
cowherds
I know love.

In your company
brothers and sisters

Krisangi
Kamalaksa
Lila-mayi
Acintya-shakti

I know love.

And I used to say that I know of no other word
more descriptive of God’s grace
than

kindness

but now I know
a little bit of it’s sweetness, too.

Brothers,
your love has done the impossible,
ploughed through

and raked the terrain
and the soil

of my soul

and somehow I am returned
to my roots

where growth becomes a possibility.

You bring
me near;

bring me

so close to
your form made of possibility.

One day here
and I forget

I had a life outside:

that I used to wake up

to something else
than the sound of the conch,

the smiling faces of my love.

Brothers and sisters,

you bring me back to my soul

return me to the homeland,
the soil of the soul,

somewhere
where I belong so deeply
that I am pulled to it

almost without an option to pull back.

I know now
that God not only exists

but that he is
Krishna.

Brothers
how have I been loved by you!

Even before I knew it,
somehow

all my roads leading here

to these pastures.

I might try leaving
but my feet are

stuck,
sticky with your sweet honey

of belonging

and my feet
belong here

where

yellow flowers
cover the path;

where streets
know how to dance

as Mahaprabhu
brings his kirtan to us.

His petals of mercy
everywhere.


About the Author

2 Responses to The Sweet Honey of Belonging

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Subscribe without commenting

Back to Top ↑